Camp Wars
by Spartan-Guy 88
Summary: It's Star Wars, told from the perspective of our campers!
1. Intro

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY. CAMP LAZLO BELONGS TO JOE MURRAY, AND STAR WARS BELONGS TO GEORGE LUCAS.**

Around Camp Kidney's camp fire area were the Bean Scouts of Prickly Pines. They had already finished having a marshmallow roast, much to the joy of an elephant named Raj. Now they were all in the middle of telling their own stories. Edward was in the middle of telling the tale of how he was a James Bond, or possibly Jason Bourne, spy saving the world from becoming a nuclear wasteland.

"…And right before I hit the abort launch button," Edward narrated, "I just had to say, 'I hope you enjoy a fireworks show.' I pressed the button, and the nuclear warheads were detonated in mid-air. And with that, in less than five minutes, I was a world wide hero. Yup, stopping a nuclear war, saving the President of the United States, and making sure that John Connor stays alive isn't an easy job. The End."

Edward then paused for his expected applause, "I know what you're all thinking, 'Edward, that had to have been the greatest story ever told in the history of mankind!' I'll have that warm applause now…" There was still no applause, one of the Beans, Dave to be exact spoke up, "Uh, that story really didn't have a plot to it." His brother Ping Pong added, "Yeah, you just placed yourself in a seemingly impossible situation, and made yourself heroic. We didn't have any inner conflict, love or loss, or foresight to retain any international merchandising rights."

Edward stuttered, and then shouted out, "OH COME ON! AT LEAST IT WAS BETTER THAN THE DUNG TWINS! ALL THEY TALKED ABOUT WAS THEIR BORING TRIP TO THEIR AUNT'S!!" He grunted and passed the story stone to the scout sitting next to him; he sighed with disbelief and annoyance when he saw that it was Lazlo's turn.

Lazlo, the perpetually happy monkey that he is, was so eager to tell the story he's been working on for weeks. "Okay guys, this is actually based on a movie that Nina from Acorn Flats told me about. This is the story, of Star Wars. Let's start with Part Four…"

--

_A long time ago in a galaxy very similar to ours, but with more spaceships…_

(Start playing the Star Wars intro theme)

**CAMP WARS**

**Episode IV: A New Hope**

_It is a period of civil war, and basically a ton of events too long and boring to explain happened to get to right now. The Rebel Alliance has struck a huge blow to the evil Galactic Empire. They were not only able to steal the plans to the Death Star, a gigantic battle station capable of destroying an entire planet; but they were also able to put a red sock into the Emperor's white load of laundry!_

_Furious over his now pink wardrobe, he has sent ships out across the galaxy in search of the plans the Rebels have stolen. The plans have been beamed onboard a Rebel Blockade Runner, led by the courageous, pink haired senator, Princess Leia Organa. Right now, the ship is being pursued by the impatient Darth Vader, desperate to gain back the plans that could seal the galaxy's fate…_

**A/N: Cast:**

**Raj as Luke Skywalker**

**Patsy as Princess Leia**

**Lazlo as Han Solo**

**Samson as Chewbacca**

**Clam as R2-D2**

**Dave as C-3PO**

**Slinkman as Obi Wan Kenobi**

**Scoutmaster Lumpus as Darth Vader**

**Chef McMuesli as Grand Moff Tarkin**

**Various Minor Bean Scouts as the Rebels**

**Bear Scout as Greedo**

**Harold as Wedge Antilles (Red 2)**

**Now Review!!**


	2. Blockade Runner

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**Blockade Runner**

Over the desert planet of Tatooine, a small, multi-engine star ship was fleeing and firing from a much larger, white, and triangular starship; also known as an Imperial Star Destroyer. The Star Destroyer was also firing at the smaller ship. One of the Star Destroyer's lasers finally hit its mark, striking the ship at near the mid section.

From inside of the smaller ship, it rocked and rolled from all the blasting coming from outside. Two droids, a tall, long necked, bird-like protocol droid named C-3PO (Dave), and a shorter astro mech droid named R2-D2 (Clam); could barely stand with all the shaking going on all around them. Alarms rang throughout the halls, and rebel troops (various minor Bean Scouts) rushed to the main pressure door.

"Oh my!" 3PO said, "It seems as though they've disabled the main reactor; there's no escape for the princess this tim-" He glanced over R2, he was only wearing a white and blue T-shirt and an R2 dome like helmet. "Um, why on Earth are you wearing that?" 3PO asked. R2 shrugged and said, "Budget cuts." 3PO sighed and continued, "Well I guess that explains why they just spray painted me with gold paint, with my scout uniform still on…"

The smaller ship was being brought into the hangar bay of the Star Destroyer. The rebel soldiers nervously pointed their weapons, laser blasters to be exact, at the door. One of the Rebels, a hippo, said nervously, "This wasn't in the brochure. I wanted a management position, not this!" The door sparked and exploded; and a whole squad of soldiers in white armor, Storm Troopers, breached and cleared the hallway. There were casualties on both sides, but it was clear that the Imperial soldiers were winning this battle.

Meanwhile, in a maintenance hallway, 3PO was searching for his companion. "R2 where did you go?" He looked to an adjacent hallway and saw the ship's most important passenger, the pink haired Princess Leia Organa (Patsy), handing R2 a small disk before running off to another part of the tunnel.

As R2 rejoined his companion, Leia was busy trying to buy time for them to escape. She hid around a corner and waited for the next Storm Trooper to round the corner. She then drop kicked him in the chest area, and started to pound the living stuffing out of him. "Come on!" she shouted, "Is that all you got?!" The Storm Trooper was calling, if not begging for his squad mates to assist him. Two more Troopers approached, and Leia made a run for it. However, she didn't make it too far; one of the Troopers set his weapon to stun and fired at Leia, temporarily knocking her out.

The two droids on the other hand, had successfully made it to one of the ship's escape pods and launched it out of the ship and towards the planet. From inside 3PO asked, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" R2 replied, "Hoping you would know…"

Back in the main hallway, several Troopers stood in attention as their commander, and leader of the Imperial Military, in black armor entered. It was none other than Darth Vader (Scoutmaster Lumpus). He impatiently exclaimed with an almost robotic voice, "Alright can we please hurry up whatever we need to do here? My favorite show comes on in thirty minutes." Two Storm Troopers escorted Leia, handcuffed, towards Vader, where he then asked, and "Well if it isn't Princess Leia of Alderaan. What have you done with the stolen Death Star Plans?"

But before she could even reply, Vader interrupted, "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!" As the two Troopers took her aboard the Star Destroyer, he said to himself, "I just LOVE saying that! Now you buffons get a team down to the planet to make sure they were'nt jettisoned on an escape pod. I've got a soap opera to watch..."

**A/N: In case if you're wondering where Edward and the Dungs are going to be in the Star Wars mash up, I'm saving them for the Empire Strikes Back Story. With Edward as Lando Calrissian; and Chip and Skip as Yoda!**


	3. Of Deserts and Jawas

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**Of Deserts and Jawas**

After abandoning their crashed escape pod, R2 (Clam), and 3PO (Dave) had just started making their way as far from the pod as possible. 3PO groaned and said, "Why does misfortune always happen to us? Hey R2, what was that thing that Princess Leia gave you?" He didn't get an answer; he saw R2 going off in a different direction. "Wait, where are you going?" 3PO asked. R2 replied, "We go this way." 3PO grunted, "No, I'm pretty sure we have to go this way." He said as he pointed another direction. "Besides, that way is much too rocky."

R2 simply said, "Wimp." That really got 3PO agitated, when he yelled back at him, "Well don't come calling to me when you start crying for your mommy to come and get you!" "Droids don't have mommies!" R2 yelled back as he continued towards the canyon.

Some time later, 3PO was now even more lost than he was when he was with R2. "R2, why did you have to trick me into going this way? You're now even worse than an early-nineties printer!" But his luck was about to change, he could then see blinking lights up ahead of him. He gasps and yells, "I'm saved! OVER HERE!!"

_Meanwhile…_

R2 was still making his way through the canyon. The sun was now setting and R2 was running out of time. Later on, he then realized that he wasn't alone in the canyon. At moments, he could barely make out several small creatures observing him. R2 turned around when he thought he heard something, but he saw nothing. Just as he turned back to continue, he saw a little creature standing right in front of him. It just stared at him, doing absolutely nothing else but that.

R2 said, "Um hello…" the creature didn't say anything back. Feeling very disturbed now, R2 looked around, then picked up a rock and threw it. "Go get it!" he yelled. The creature then chased after the rock. R2 smirked and was about to continue on his way again, when suddenly another creature shot an electric bolt at him. R2 stuttered and fell to the ground unconscious.

R2 woke up several hours later inside of a small, dark, and metallic room. It was filled with other droids, working or malfunctioning. He slowly got up and started walking around the room. All sorts of beeping and whistling could be heard from the other machines. But one of them spoke English for some reason. R2 wandered over to the sound of the English speaking droid, and found his companion, C-3PO.

3PO saw R2 as well, and simply said, "Oh it's you again." R2 grunted, and sat in a corner of the room.

Several more hours later, whatever kind of vehicle R2 and 3PO were in came to a halt. A large door then opened, and a large beam of light momentarily blinded the two droids. "Oh great, now what?" 3PO asked rhetorically. The smaller creatures, who turned out to be local Jawas, then herded every operational droid from the room outside into the desert. When R2 and 3PO got outside, they saw that they were now near a farm. "A farm in the middle of a desert?" 3PO asked to himself. "This isn't logical."

He saw two figures come out of the building. One was a large bearded man. (Sorry, I couldn't come up with a character for Uncle Owen, or Aunt Beru). The other being a younger elephant kid wearing a white farming robe and matching pants (Raj). The older man pointed to both R2 and 3PO, it sounded like he was purchasing them. They both felt relieved, they no longer had to stay in that cramped space any longer.

The older man told the boy to bring the two droids to the garage and have them cleaned. The boy walked over to them, grunted and said, "You guys follow me please. And for your information, my name is Luke Skywalker (Raj)." He then said to himself as they entered the garage, "I would much rather get power converters, whatever those are, rather than clean some droids. My uncle NEVER lets me do anything anymore!"

**A/N: Now review. And I promise to make the next chapter longer.**


	4. You're My Only Hope

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

"**You're My Only Hope"**

Over near the crashed escape pod, several hours after R2 (Clam) and 3PO (Dave) left it, there were now a squad of Storm Troopers investigating the site. "Someone was in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction." One of the troopers said. Another trooper, held a small metallic disk and said, "Look sir, droids." A trooper standing next to him yelled, "That's not a droid you idiot! That's a metallic disk!" And he then whacked the back of the trooper's head with his palm.

In the farm garage, 3PO was being lowered into an oil filled tank. To non-droids, it's just an oil bath. But to droids, an oil bath was the equivalent to a hot tub; so 3PO was feeling pretty excited for his treatment. Meanwhile, Luke (Raj), whom was also wearing a fez on his head, was doing his best to scrape any loose dirt or rocks off of R2. He had a small bag of marshmallows next to him; while he cleaned R2, he couldn't help but pop one in his mouth.

3PO asked, "So Luke, other than work on this farm, what else do you do here?" Luke sighed and said, "Well my robotic friend, other than hang with my friends at Anchor Head, I usually bulls-eye Womp Rats in my T-16." He then smirked a little, "But what I really like to do is organize my record collection. I first started when I found some buried in the sand. Ever since then I've been buying and storing them."

Then Luke's scraper caught on something; "Hey, there's something stuck real good in this R2 unit. Maybe if I just give it a little mor-"

It popped loose, and a light beamed from R2's holographic projector. It projected an image of a white robed mongoose. She said the words, "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope." And the message continued to repeat those words. Luke was both surprised and fascinated at what he was seeing.

"3PO, who is she?" Luke asked. 3PO shrugged and answered, "I honestly don't know. I saw her with R2 earlier; but other than that I can give no advice." Luke looked at the hologram some more than said as he twisted a knob on R2, "Is there any more to this message. Because I'm pretty sure she's referring to old Ben Kenobi who lives not too far from here."

But as suddenly as the image appeared, it then vanished. Luke seemed rather frustrated when that happened. "Hey! Where did the girl go? Come on!" Luke shouted. R2 said, "Sorry Luke." Luke sighed and continued, "Well at least it can't get worse than this…" He reached into his marshmallow bag, but found it empty. He growled, threw the bag on the ground, and stormed out of the garage to outside. "I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS BLASTED WASTELAND OF A PLANET!" He yelled.

3PO looked over at R2 and said, "Looks like he hates it here." R2, with a slightly annoyed face, replied, "You think?"

**(Start playing the classic Binary Suns music from Star Wars: Episode IV; You know, when the Mark Hamill version of Luke looks at the suns setting… COME ON! You had to have watched Star Wars before reading this fic!)**

Luke walked outside, kicked some loose dirt, and stood on top of a small hill of sand. On Tatooine, there were not one but two suns in the sky. At the moment Luke was standing on the hill, the two suns were setting in the distance. Luke looked outward at the suns, wondering how much longer he would remain on that planet. He knew his heart was telling him he had to do something far extraordinary…

He then turned around and yelled into the garage, "Don't you two play around with my records! Those are antiques!" From inside of the garage, Luke heard R2 and 3PO say, "Sorry."

**(The music suddenly stops.)**

**A/N: If you're asking yourselves, "Why did he make Raj into Luke?" Well I already made Lazlo into Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman. And plus, do you really want to have Lazlo be Luke Skywalker hand have him realize he kissed his sister? Now review!**


	5. Obi Wan Kenobi

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**Obi Wan Kenobi**

The next morning on the farm, Luke (Raj) walked into the garage to check on the two droids; that is until 3PO (Dave) ran up to him in an alarmed state. "Master Luke, he's gone!" Luke asked, "What? Who's gone?" 3PO answered, "R2 (Clam) took off in the middle of the night! He kept babbling on about that message for Obi-Wan!" Luke gave a freak out scream and ran to his speeder, followed by 3PO. Luke and 3PO got in, fired up the engine and took off into the desert.

The duo in the speeder picked up R2's beacon on their scanner. It was originating from the canyon. But little did they know that they were being watched…

At long last, Luke and 3PO caught up to R2, who then turned around to see them. "R2, where in Heaven's name do you think you're going?" Luke asked angrily. R2 replied, "Going to find Obi-Wan. Give him messa-" he stuttered, and then yelled, "Uh oh. Several creatures coming from south-east." He was certain that it was true; thanks to the motion sensors built in R2 units .Luke shouted softly, "Tusken Raiders!"

Some time later, on another part of the canyon. Luke was on his belly with a pair of binoculars pressed on his eyes. 3PO was standing right behind him; and R2 was hiding in a small cave near them. "Well there's banthas but I don't see any-" Luke then looked even harder into his binoculars. "-wait there are sand people down there; I can see one of them right now…!" Something then came up in front of Luke's binoculars, blocking his view. He looked up, and saw a Tusken Raider standing right in front of him.

It screeched loudly, causing both Luke and 3PO to get caught completely off guard. 3PO fell backwards trying to get away from it. Luke meanwhile raised his hunting blaster to try to defend himself, but the creature's stick made short work of it. It whacked the weak rifle with its stick and it broke in half. It then bashed Luke's chest area, causing him to fall off the rock and land unconscious…

R2 watched with both shock and horror as the Sand People then walked over to Luke's speeder, leaving Luke knocked out on the ground. While the raiders searched the speeder, a loud cry came from the other side of the canyon. R2 looked over and saw a cloaked figure waving his arms around, and coming right towards the raiders. The raiders ran off scared and possibly crying for their mommies.

The cloaked figure walked over to Luke, knelt, and placed his palm on his forehead. R2 finally spoke, "Uh, who are you?" The figure looked up and saw R2 in the small cave. He pulled his hood off, revealing a yellow banana slug with two eye stalks; it was none other than Ben Kenobi (Slinkman). He called to the droid, "Don't worry, you're friend is going to be just fine. Come over here, I won't hurt you." R2 did as the slug told him to do. He was followed by 3PO, who groaned as he said, "I hope that's the last time I fall over from something. I already had to replace my ion sub-matrix; and I don't exactly have enough on me to get it replaced again."

Luke slowly regained consciousness, and saw Ben Kenobi. "Ben? Oh it's a good thing you came along. I was certain those brutes had us." Ben helped Luke on his feet, who then brushed the dirt off himself. "Listen," Luke then continued, "R2 here has been looking for someone named 'Obi Wan Kenobi,' is he your brother or something?" Ben then answered, "No, that's because _I'm _Obi Wan Kenobi." Luke about to say something else when he heard more cries from across the canyon.

"I suggest we leave this place immediately. Sand People, while easily frightened, will return; and in greater numbers." Obi Wan warned. 3PO then asked, "Is that really true?" Obi Wan paused, then said, "Well I actually really don't like being out in the middle of a desert canyon in the middle of the day. I can't even begin to tell you how hot it gets in this robe."

_**Sometime Later…**_

At another homestead away from the canyon, which served as the home for Obi Wan, the group sat in the main living room to rest after the day's eventful morning. Luke sat next to 3PO, Obi Wan sat in a single chair, and R2 stood nearby. Obi Wan asked Luke, "So tell me Luke, what brings you out to these dangerous parts of the Dune Sea?" Luke looked over at R2, then back at the slug formerly known as "Ben" and answered, "Well my little robotic friend here can explain for you; R2 play that message again." R2 nodded and twisted a knob on his helmet. The hologram of the white robed mongoose again beamed from his projector; yet this time R2 was able to get the complete message…

"_General Kenobi," _she spoke, _"Years ago you served with my father in the Clone Wars. Now we ask you to again-" _she then looked bemused; as though she was now speaking directly at R2 (at the time of the recording); _"What do you mean it's not recording? I can see the red light blinking! Ugh, start over…" _static was briefly seen before returning to the mongoose girl, _"Now we ask you to again help in our cause for freedom. As I speak, my ship is being boarded by Imperials, and- can we do that over? I don't think I was in the correct mood for this kind of message." _Static again came over the message. R2 groaned and said, "Forgot to edit that out." He twisted another knob, fast-forwarding the message; "May take a bit." R2 said.

_**Two Hours Later…**_

Obi Wan, Luke, and 3PO were either asleep or about to fall asleep; and R2 was still fast forwarding the message. Then R2 spoke, "Got it!" and the gang woke up to see the rest of the message.

"_...her haircut looks nothing like mine anyway! Obi Wan, this is our most desperate hour. We're hoping that you can get this message to Alderaan. The plans for the Death Star are stored in this R2 unit. Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."_

The message fades out. Obi Wan takes about five seconds to consider his options, then tells to Luke, "Luke, you must come with me to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force." That word caught the elephant boy's attention, "What is the Force?" he asked. The slug responded, "The Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his strength. There will be time for explanations later." He then waked over to a small chest, opened it, and pulled out a small, silver rod. "Here, this was your father's lightsaber. It is the traditional weapon of the Jedi." He gave it to Luke, who pressed a button on the side of it. A bright and blue burst of light came out from the top, it was like a sword.

Luke was clearly fascinated by this, "This is marvelous! I wonder if…" He took out a marshmallow from his pocket and put it near the lightsaber. It turned orange and brown, and then Luke put the marshmallow in his mouth. "This also makes a great marshmallow cooker." Obi Wan added, "It even makes cooking and sewing much easier!" Obi Wan then got back to the matters at hand. As Luke de-activated his lightsaber, the yellow slug asked, "Are you willing to become a Jedi like how your father was?"

The elephant paused for a second, then said, "I don't know, don't you have to go through classes or something like that?" Obi Wan only shrugged, then Luke continued, "Well I suppose I should grab my record collection, and tell my uncle and aunt; they don't like it when I'm gone too long. And between you and me, I can't wait to leave this wasteland."

**A/N: I'll bring Darth Vader (AKA Scoutmaster Lumpus) back in the next chapter, and quite frankly, I am so eager to get to the part where I bring in Han Solo (Lazlo) and Chewbacca (Samson)!**


	6. Imperial Might

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**Imperial Might**

The Death Star. Just the name of it alone could strike fear into any separatist force in the galaxy. At least that's what the Imperial military wants to have in their rule of the galaxy. It was a large, ball-shaped station with a portion of it indented into the station. It was the main weapon of the Death Star. The weapon was so powerful, that it was capable of destroying an entire planet.

Inside the Death Star meeting room, various Imperial officers, admirals, and generals sat around a large table; discussing troubles with the Rebel Alliance. At the front of the table were both the black armored Darth Vader (Scoutmaster Lumpus) and the commander and head chef of the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin (Chef McMuesli). Not only does he command the battle station with an iron fist, but he also makes, what he believes, is the finest organic food in the galaxy.

"How much longer will it be until Princess Leia reveals the location of the Rebel base?" one of the admirals asked. Darth Vader groaned and replied, "I don't know, when she feels like it! I really didn't want to interrogate her anyway. I have way more important issues to deal with." He was referring to a couch, a cup full of orange soda, and his favorite soap opera.

Another officer spoke up, "It doesn't matter. Any attack made by the Rebels would be useless gesture, no matter what kind of technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe." Vader glances over at him and asks, "Did you seriously come up with that monologue by yourself?" The officer answers, "No, I read that out of a book I got from the library."

Vader continues, "Oh come on; there's no way that's from any book. You had to have made that all up yourself." The officer spoke back, "Lord Vader, your thoughts of original dialogue haven't given you the clairvoyance to tell others what to say at the right times. Nor has it-" Vader raised his palm as though he was trying to grasp for something; and at the same time the Imperial officer started to pull on the collar of his uniform, as though he was having sudden difficulty breathing. Darth Vader was using the Force to choke the officer.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." Vader spoke, "Everyone knows that you've gotta have zippy one liners! How do you think action movie stars became so popular?!" Then Tarkin ordered, "Enough of this! Vader, release him!" Vader answered, "As you wish…" and let his palm down. The officer slumped onto the desk, panting very deeply. Tarkin then continued, "I think that's enough for this meeting, everyone back to your stations; and don't forget to try my zucchini and carrot surprise during dinner!" The Imperial officers and Darth Vader moaned.

_**Back on Tatooine…**_

Luke (Raj), Obi Wan Kenobi (Slinkman), R2-D2 (Clam), and C-3PO (Dave) were in front of yet another thing they don't usually see. In front of them was a Jawa Sand Crawler that was riddled with blaster bolts and scorch marks; and surrounding it were dead Jawas and Tusken Raiders. While R2 and 3PO examined the corpses, Luke and Obi Wan examined the foot tracks in the sand. Obi Wan stated, "Tusken Raiders couldn't have caused this. Look at the foot prints, they're scattered. Sand People always travel in single file lines to hide their numbers. This was caused by Imperial Stormtroopers."

The elephant boy looked around, and said, "I figured this didn't look like a random vehicle accident. But why would Storm Troopers attack Jawas?" He glanced over at the two droids, and that made him remember what R2 was carrying with him. "But if they figured out where the droids have been, they could have traced who they sold them to and that would lead them-" Luke suddenly had a horrified face, "…home!" He shrieked with panic and rushed to his speeder. Obi Wan tried to stop him, "Wait Luke it's too dangerous!" But no words could stop Luke from racing to his home.

By the time Luke got back to the farm, it looked as though a war had come over it. Smoke plumed, and blaster marks were scattered. Luke hopped out of his speeder and cried out, "Uncle Owen? Aunt Beru?" He paused and saw two skeletons that were once his aunt and uncle. "Sri Lanka!" he cried out; then turned to his left and saw a smoldering box that read "Luke's Record Collection." Seeing both of them was the final nail in the coffin for him. Now he was determined to make the Empire pay for what they've done. He hopped back in his speeder and started driving back to the Sand Crawler site. "I never knew my aunt and uncle well," he said to himself, "but I will make sure that they will get the justice they rightfully deserve. As for my record collection, that made it personal…"

**A/N: Next chapter, I will bring in Han and Chewie!**


	7. Cantina

**DISCLAIMER: JOE MURRAY OWNS CAMP LAZLO; GEORGE LUCAS OWNS STAR WARS**

**Mos Eisley**

Several hours after leaving the destroyed Sand Crawler, the gang took Luke's (Raj) speeder and drove it to a cliff edge. There they were able to get a good view of a nearby space port. "Mos Eisley Space Port." Obi Wan (Slinkman) started, "Never will you find a place full of scum and villainy. But they do have great discounts on the latest clothing lines."

After some more driving, the gang made it inside of the space port. It was a fair sized, sand colored city area. Luke's speeder was eventually stopped by several Storm Troopers. One of the troopers approached Luke and said, "How long have you had these droids?" Luke nervously laughed and replied, "Oh, about four seasons. Why?" The trooper then asked to see his identification. But Obi Wan slowly raised a palm and calmly said, "You don't need to see our identification…" The trooper then spoke, "We don't need to see his identification." Obi Wan continued, "These aren't the droids you're looking for…" and the trooper repeated what the slug said; "And you really like to pour chocolate syrup all over yourself while you sing about how you love chick flicks…"

When the trooper repeated that, the other Storm Troopers burst out in laughter. "Move along…" Obi Wan completed. The trooper, still oblivious to what's happening, repeated, "Move along…move along." Luke then drove his speeder away from the laughing troopers.

Luke was amazed, and amused, at what the slug just did; thus making him ask, "How did you do that Obi Wan?" The slug responded, "The Force can have a great influence on the weak minded. It also makes for some great humiliation moments, like back there." They, along with 3PO (Dave) and R2 (Clam), then got out of the speeder and headed towards a cantina, a place where many can come to get a drink, among other things as well. "Careful Luke," Obi Wan warned, "I heard that nasty things have happened in here." Luke replied, "I'll be very careful my yellow friend. 3PO, I want you and R2 to stay out here." The bird like droid nodded as Luke an Obi Wan entered the building.

(Start playing the Star Wars Cantina music)

Inside the cantina, there were all sorts of alien life forms, some humanoid, some not. Luke and Obi Wan made it past them and got to the main table, and sat down. Luke asked the bar tender for a drink; but when he got it, an alien next to him shoved him and growled at him. Luke glanced at it, and then looked away. Someone else then tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "He doesn't like you." Luke shrugged and said, "Sorry." But it then made Luke look at him and yelled, "I don't like you either!"

Luke then glared at him and yelled back, "How can you not like me? We never even met before! What kind of explanation could you possibly have for not liking me?!" Luke then continued before the alien could explain, "Is it because I'm an elephant and you're an alien?! IS IT?!" The two aliens then slowly backed away from Luke.

Back outside, R2 and 3PO got into a closet and shut the door. There were Storm Troopers patrolling the alleys. If they get caught, then the Imperials will then have access to the Death Star plans. The troopers walked up to the door; and one of them tried to pull on it. "Door's locked," he said, "Move on to the next one." As the troopers rounded the corner of the alley, 3PO and R2 peered out the door. 3PO spoke, "Wow, for being part of a regime that has the galaxy in a dictatorship grasp, they sure are bad in their military procedures." R2 replied, "Yeah, lazy."

Back inside of the cantina, Luke and Obi Wan were now sitting at a table near the corner of the room. They weren't alone however, sitting across from them were two other figures. One was an orange spider monkey wearing a black vest over a white shirt, and the other was a grey guinea pig with glasses and wearing a silver ammunition belt across his torso; and a pair of brown shorts.

The monkey spoke first, "So, you guys need a ship to Alderaan eh?" Obi Wan had already explained the situation to them. "Well you two found the right guys for the job. My name is Han Solo (Lazlo), and I'm the captain of the Millennium Falcon." He then pointed to the guinea pig, "And he is my co-pilot and first mate, Chewbacca (Samson)."

Chewbacca then said with slight nervousness, "Han, are you sure we should have these two on board? I could be allergic to whatever they carry with them." Chewie, or as Han likes to call him by, then pulled out an inhaler and used it for what it was used for. Han then continued, "But I'm afraid it'll cost you. At least ten-thousand credits." Luke was appalled at the price, "Ten-thousand?! You could buy your own ship for that price my expensive friend!"

Han leaned in and asked, "And who do you think is gonna fly it kid?" Luke perked up, and replied, "Oh, good point. I'll just sell my speeder." Han looked over at Chewie, "Chewie, get these guys and their droids to the ship and wait for me." The guinea pig, along with Luke and Obi Wan, all got up and left the table. Shortly after, the monkey got up and was about to leave, when someone approached him; with a blaster pistol pointed at him. "Going somewhere Solo?"

Han slowly, but slyly got back into his seat. "Greedo (Bear Bean Scout). I was just on my way to tell your boss that-" Greedo then interrupted him, "Jabba doesn't have time for you Solo." Han then cut back in, "Well it's not like he has anything better to do than to sit around in his palace all day doing nothing at all." The bear then slightly lowered his weapon and said, "Good point, maybe I could take the payment you've got to him myself."

"That's great! Let me just get my wallet…" Han said as he reached for his pocket. But his hand hit the holster on his blaster pistol and it fell to the floor; and then it went off and hit Greedo in the torso. He looked down at the impact area, and then said; "Aw man…" and he slumped forward onto the table.

The monkey stared at him for a few seconds, and then noticed that everyone in the cantina heard what happened. He nervously laughed as he grabbed his pistol and got up. "Oops." He said. Han backed over to the bartender and gave him a credit. "Uh, sorry about the mess…" The monkey then slowly left the room.

**A/N: That's gonna be a running joke in the three stories. The Bear Scout plays an unfortunate character. Watch the episode, "Camp Dinkey" and it'll make much more sense. By the way, in the Special Edition DVD of A New Hope, it is revealed that Greedo actually shot before Han did. **


	8. Gone in Hyperspace Seconds

**Gone in Hyperspace Seconds**

About two hours after their time in the Cantina, Chewbacca (Samson) led Luke (Raj), Obi Wan (Slinkman), R2 (Clam), and 3PO (Dave) to the docking bay that held the Millennium Falcon. The ship's captain, Han Solo (Lazlo) contacted Chewie, and told him that he'd be waiting for them there. When the gang rounded the corner, they saw the ship. **(A/N: I'm not going to describe it; because you should know what it looks like. If not, look it up on Google Image Search) **

As Chewie walked over to the ship, Han asked, "Well…?" Luke looked at the Falcon for a few seconds, and then said with disgust, "What a piece of junk!" Han and Chewie stared at Luke, and then Chewie finally said, "Okay, that was just rude man." Han then said, "Chewie, you get in the ship and get her ready, I'll show Luke that this isn't as much as a 'piece of junk' as he thinks it is." As Chewbacca walks up the ramp and into the ship, he is followed by the two droids. Luke and Obi Wan wait outside and talk to Han.

"Captain Solo," Obi Wan started, "Are you sure this ship will get us to Alderaan in the fastest time possible?" Han let out a short chuckle and replied, "Are you kidding? Of course it'll get us there!" Luke sighed and said, "Well, according to those scrapes, dents, and blaster marks, I seriously doubt it my primate friend." Han looked over at him and spoke, "Oh those things? Eh, I can buff those out easily. I just need some-"

Before Han could tell them what he would need to make his ship looking spiffy again, Imperial Storm Troopers came into the docking bay. One of them yelled, "Stop that ship! Blast them!" And just like that, the troopers started to shoot at the three animals. As Han pulled out his blaster pistol he yelled at Obi Wan and Luke, "Get in the ship!" As they got in, Han followed them only after he shot above the troopers' heads.

Once Han was inside of the ship, the loading ramped came to a close, and he rushed to the ship's bridge. "Chewie, get us out of here!" Inside of the cockpit, Chewie groaned as he started the main engines, "I told Han we should've gotten an automatic…" His foot hit the clutch and his hand was on the gear stick as the ship blasted out of the loading bay and flew into space.

Now in the seat next to Chewbacca, Han started to pilot the Falcon while Chewie was busy getting the hyperspace coordinate in place. Hyperspace enabled a ship to accelerate to light speed, thus getting from one destination to another becoming much faster.

"Uh oh," Han said as he looked at a screen on the dash board, "We've got a problem here…" Chewie looked down on the dash board and yelled, "Oh merp! You're right…" He pulled a CD from the board and looked at it; "My mix CD got scratched man! It had all the best singles on it too…!" Han glanced over at him, and explained, "Uh… I was talking about those two Star Destroyers coming up behind us…" Chewie looked at the screen and saw the Star Destroyers coming toward them. "Oh," he said, "Um… yeah that's also bad news…"

By that time Luke and Obi Wan had came onto the bridge to see what's going on. Luke yelled, "Han, those ships are gaining on us!" Han pressed some more buttons on the console and said, "It shouldn't take too long to get into hyper space, besides I know a few maneuvers we'll lose th-"

* * *

"Alright scouts…"

Lazlo's story was cut short. He and the rest of the Bean Scouts turned and saw Slinkman coming towards them. "…I think that's enough for one night. Time for bed everyone." This caused the Beans to moan and complain greatly. All except for Edward, of course. Raj spoke up, "But he was just getting to the good part!" Clam continued, "Awesome story!"

"Yeah Mr. Slinkman; it's the story of Star Wars." Dave said. That caught the yellow slug's attention; whom replied, "Did you say 'Star Wars?'" The other scouts nodded, and Slinkman immediately took a seat next to Lazlo. "I absolutely love Star Wars! Go on Lazlo, you have my permission. And don't worry about Scoutmaster Lumpus, he's watching his favorite, and longest movie he's got right now."

Everyone, except Edward, cheered. And thus, Lazlo continued to tell the tale; "Let's see where I leave us at? Ah yes, Han was about to tell Chewie to prepare for the jump into hyperspace…"

* * *

"…Chewie," Han said, "Are the hyperspace coordinates in place yet?" The guinea pig replied, "They're set Han." He then sighed, "I always hated going into hyperspace though, it really gets me queasy…" Chewie then looked very pale, Luke and Obi Wan then backed up a bit.

At long last, Han pulled on another throttle and the stars around them became very long, right before they burst into light speed…


	9. Planetary Fireworks

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE STORY

**Planetary Fireworks**

**DEATH STAR / COMMAND BRIDGE**

Grand Moff Tarkin (Chef McMuesli) stood firmly on the bridge of the battle station. All around him there were various Imperial officers at their stations, waiting for Tarkin to give an order. The door behind him opened and out came four figures. The first was hard to miss; it was the pink haired Princess Leia (Patsy) and her wrists were once again bound in hand-cuffs. She was escorted by Darth Vader (Scoutmaster Lumpus) and two Storm Troopers.

"Governor Tarkin," Leia spoke, "I figured you'd be here. I recognized your foul stench as soon as I was brought aboard." Vader looked up at Tarkin and said, "Yeah seriously, you're stinking up the whole station. You really need to take a shower some time." Tarkin looked around and saw the officers and troopers looking like they're about to gag. One of the officers slumped onto his computer, unconscious from the odor.

Tarkin spoke, with agitation, "I have to not only command the thousands of soldiers on this station, but I also have to cook for them. You think I have time to wash up?!" He then regained his composure and spoke to the mongoose, "Princess Leia, Lord Vader tells me that you still refuse to tell us the location of the Rebel Base." Leia replied, "Well of course I didn't. Do you really think I'd give away its location so easily?"

"Well Leia," Tarkin spoke, "in that case, we have decided to test fire our main weapon on your home planet of Alderaan." This caught the mongoose's attention; "No! You can't-!" Vader interrupted her, "Uh, sorry but we kinda already hit the button for the… oh you know…"

And just like that, a large green laser hit the planet in front of them head on, and it exploded into millions of fragments and stone.

_Meanwhile, on the Millennium Falcon…_

In the main hold of the ship, Luke (Raj) was practicing with his father's lightsaber, and Obi Wan (Slinkman) was coaching him. Over at the chess-like table, R2 (Clam) and Chewbacca (Samson) were in a heated game; all while 3PO (Dave) spectated both events. Suddenly, Obi Wan's eyes got slightly wider; he then staggered and sat down in a chair. Luke disengaged his lightsaber and walked over to him.

"Obi Wan, what's wrong?" the elephant asked in a very Indian accent. Obi Wan sighed and replied, "I just felt a great disturbance; as if millions of lives has suddenly cried out in terror, and then were suddenly silenced…" Chewie looked over at him and said, "Okay be honest: You're not used to space travel are you? Well I certainly know I'm not…"

Obi Wan said, "No it's not that. Luke, continue with your training, I'll be fine." Luke complied with the slug's suggestion and walked back over to the floating droid; which served as his training unit for lightsaber combat.

Han Solo (Lazlo) then walked into the room, coming from the bridge. "Well guys, we should be at Alderaan in less than an hour now." Han said as he took a seat next to Obi Wan. He looked over at the game R2 and Chewie were in the middle of. When R2 made what looked like a good move, Chewie yelled out loud, "Oh come on! That's not fair!"

3PO defended R2, whom had an agitated face towards Chewbacca. "Hey lay off the rhino!" 3PO stated, "He made a fair move you sore loser." Han stepped in, "Guys, I hate to get involved, but it's not wise to upset Chewie like that." R2 looked over at him and asked, "Why?" But before Han could explain, Chewie spoke very smugly, "That's because, unlike droids, Wookies can pull people's arms out of their sockets! You with me there Han?"

Everyone else stared at him for the longest time. Then Luke, Obi Wan, R2, and 3PO all burst into laughter; and Han said, "Um Chewie, I was actually going to say that you tend to get upset easily, and you still go to those guidance consular meetings. Remember?" Chewbacca nervously looked left and right, and then said, "No, I can rip people's arms out. Watch!" He then jumped onto R2 and tugged on his arms.

However, R2 didn't flinch at all, neither did his arms. In fact, he didn't even know Chewbacca was pulling on them at all. The grey Wookie continued to strain himself on the droids arms, hoping for a forced amputation; but to no avail. Finally, he let go of the rhino's arms and slumped back into his seat across from him.

Han then looked over at Luke, who was practicing his skills with his lightsaber. He then had an excited face on himself as he jumped out of his chair and rushed over to Luke. "Are you pretending to be a pirate?" he asked, "If you are then I'll be one too!" He then tried to sound like a pirate; "Aarg! Me matey, We shall find the treasure on Alderaan. Ya-har!"

Luke stared at him for three seconds, disengaged his lightsaber and asked, "You don't believe in the Force, do you Han?" The monkey looked at him and asked, "Uh… the what?"

At that point, beeping noised were now heard all over the ship; "Looks like we're coming up on Alderaan, let's roll Chewie." Han said as he and his co-pilot made their way to the bridge. When they got to the bridge, Han took a seat in the captain's chair, and Chewie took the seat next to him. "Ready?" Han asked. Chewie responded, "Yup, cutting in sub-light engines… now."

The Falcon came out of hyperspace, and started hitting rocks. "Uh oh!" Han shouted, "We must've came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field!"

**A/N: I just had to have a scene where Samson/Chewie demonstrates that he's not exactly the strongest guy in Camp Kidney/Star Wars. Now review!**


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